Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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