your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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