i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
