Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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