you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You have to summon your inner elephant
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
