If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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