3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
