And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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