i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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