Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
