I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
