i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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