My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
