He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
