When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My ass is underappreciated
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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