would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
