If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
