I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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