We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was born a porn star she said
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
