Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize