I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
