Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
