fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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