The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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