i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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