idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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