it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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