No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
