Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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