Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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