you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
