Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
