And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think your dad took our porno
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
