Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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