I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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