so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
