i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
