I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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