He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
