Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize