My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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