Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
