Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize