she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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