I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
