Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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