I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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