the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
