check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
