are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You made out with two different species that night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
