i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
