if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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