We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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