He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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