I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
