I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
