textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
