you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
