You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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