Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
