aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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