dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
