hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
