seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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