I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
