You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
