Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
