Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
