He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
