Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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