So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
