Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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