Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
