so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
well you can't waste a boner
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
