Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
