hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
