so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
