Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
