So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
