I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
