I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
