what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
